Lyrics

It's funny when you dead then people starts listening...

Relax???

Take time to relax, and you'll be fine.

So, that's what they say.

I thought I was left behind, and there is so much to capture, with a short time, how can relax?

I'm so confused.

They Said, I Said

how could i define,
the pain of doing nothing.

they said be true to yourself,
how can true be true if true means delusional.

they said slow down,
how could i slow down when i realize i was left behind.

they said be patient,
how could i since i don't know what patient is.

they said be happy,
how could i when the source of happiness vanished with time.

they can say whatever they think applicable for me,
in the end of the day, it's always me, myself and I to decide what i want to do with life.

back to square one,
what i want to do???

Love is a funny thing.

Love is a funny thing;
Lead you to the place called unknown;
Drown yourself in confusion;
But you still want to be in love.

Love is sure a funny thing;
Help you to see what you want to see;
Blinding what you try not to see;
And yet, you still want to be in love.

Maybe love is a funny thing;
Random words are lullaby to your ears,
The facts shall bleed your vein;
And yet, love is still in the air.

Love is love;
Reveal the truth with grace;
Wrap the world with hope;
Give tears a new meaning;
Draw a smile on your face;

And still;
Love is the funniest thing ever happened to humankind.

Jatuh

Kelmarin aku jatuh,
Senyum;
Bangkit semula,
Terus melangkah.

Semalam aku jatuh lagi,
Penat;
Tetap bangkit,
Langkahku goyah.

Hari ini, masih jatuh,
Tersungkur;
Menangis,
Namun tetap cuba berdiri.

Bukan untuk diri ini;
Bukan untuk diri kamu;
Tapi kerana DIA!
Kerana DIA benci orang yang berputus asa.

p/s: Terima kasih atas nasihat...

Pulang ke Pangkuan Bahasa Ibunda

Payah. Perit.

Walaupun payah, akan tetap kugagahi untuk kembali ke pangkuan bahasa ibunda ku yang telah terabaikan sejak 15 tahun yang lalu.

Perlahan. Tapi pasti.

Lesson Learnt

After a long while...

This morning, I was watching a documentary on how the Chinese learn English to host for Olympic. Sure it is not easy for them since they close themselves for a very long time to outside world. And now they are hosting the world.

The English trainer said "They are trained to do what they don't want to do. And that's how they can keep their spirit high". The message carries the same meaning with "Enjoy the pain" and all the "hard work pays" quotes. Maybe after a long demotivated period, their patriotism to serve the country awaken me from despair.

I love to see the old 74 old grandpa who dreams to be an Olympic athlete. But for his age, he knows that he couldn't make it. So he learn English, went for the examsss (many s since there are many exam), and qualified himself to be a volunteer for the Olympic as a tourist guide at a Forbidden City. Wasn't it a dream, come true?

SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO ALL... MAAF ZAHIR BATIN

Stars

Even the stars...
Shine a bit bright I've notice,
When you are close to me...
Still it remains a mystery...
~Lea Salonga, We Could Be in Love~

Yep... The stars shines brightly tonight. There is a beautiful big star shining at the east... and the rest of the stars scattered from the east towards the south. I don't know whether there really a lot of stars tonight or because I started to feel relieved.

The Al-Mighty,
Thank you for the call...

Unrequited

When we are lost in the midst of confusion, we seek for a helping hand to help us to go through. That warm hand that will guide us through the coldest and darkest night. We blindly put trust because we have no where to turn to.

When the dawn come, suddenly it appears that the warm hand is just a part of a dream, a dream that will not come true. And there again, we sat still, confuse... but even more painful, because when the reality strike, we realize that it is twice a hit.

Untitled

A squirrel playing along the roadside makes me ponder about something... While I am demanding for a betterment, there are so much room for joy and happiness that I could not see...

Plus, I don't know, how much time is left for me to breath. Is it worth to consume all the pain? Or is it wise to rejoice happiness only? If today was my last day, what would I do?

1. Take a leave
2. Talk to my mom
3. Talk to that someone

Above all, I would like to apologize to all for the wrong doing and heart breaking conversation, lost faith in friendship, and whatever sweetness & bitterness that we've shared all through our life journey.

Salam Ramadhan Al- Kareem. May your smile be as bright as the moon in Ramadhan.

Note to A Friend

Dear Sweetheart,

Yes, I know I was being extremely stubborn in dealing the 'case'. It is not that I would not listen, just give me sometimes... I'll decide accordingly.

I know you and others are worried about the situation, but believe me, the harder part is always on me because I'm the one facing it, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. I'm struggling with my feeling and yet I have to keep my rationality above all because the work here expecting me to produce miracle.

My friend, dearest friend,

Please be there for me, and please don't stop praying for me. Whatever you said is all true, but please trust me. Thank you for being the light when I'm in dark, it just, this darkness is escapism that avoids me to see the pain out there. When I'm a lil bit stronger, I'll open my eyes, and face the pain, again, with courage. This is my promise to you.

Ahlan Ya Ramadhan!

The Darkness

The darkness attracts the presence of light. Without darkness, the illumination have no meaning...

Temptation

"If you are on diet, stay away from the dessert cart"
~Thirteen, House~

Pic: Deviantart

Need You Now

That was a magical moment when you spoke to that little girl. The tone of your voice is so sincere, plus the caring expression of your face, MAJESTIC!

At times when I was lead astray, the snap moment of that incident really pulling me to the ground, to remind me where I come from. Do you know that small kindness you show is driving me through if not driving me nuts?

I'm tired. I guess Lady Antebellum is tired as well because she sings "Need You Now" from morning till evening.

Silence Beauty

This morning was a beautiful morning. Striking rainbow in between fluffy clouds, illuminates by the golden sunshine. The view fascinates my perspectives until I couldn't stop smiling. It was a perfect starts for a wonderful day (it should).

But it will be a Bollywood movie if it ends happily ever after. Whatever miracle this morning, is just a buffer for a long and hectic day in office & in the meeting room. At least, I was blessed for having a wonderful and serene morning before facing all the greedy monsters in the meeting room.

After all, after I finished my night prayer, it is a day off. I'm standing still regardless the hassle been throw at my face, and deep inside me, I'm thankful for I still can see the silence beauty of the nature.

The Almighty, The Most Merciful, Thank you for such a blessing. Help me to see the beaut in the world full of miseries.

Another wonderful song

Love the song, but not the movie... Among the best soundtrack. Enjoy!

Thank You Mademoiselle Nas

Dear Nas,

Thank you for the parcel. AGAIN!!!

I just don't know how to say thanks to make it enough but I hope He will send his blessing like a heavy pouring rain! I love you Nas!

p/s: I love you too...

Picture by: Fooray@deviantart.com

Away

Heh...

To announce that I'm on leave for 5 days... Wonder how it feels to have a long break, but I bet the time flies. Going to attend a wedding in Kelantan and hopefully to have a short vacation and rest from work.

Hopefully all the worries fades during my journey...

I wish, when I come back, I'll be more energetic and can move forward.

Life won't be fun if it is easy, kan?

Ray of Light

When there is a hope... There are the ways... Rock ON!!!!

Another Conversation...

Had another conversation, with a different person, again about life and achievement. Only this time, I couldn't console myself like I did before. There are emptiness and despair that is so hard to explain. I wasn't crying but my eyes are sweating. I assume I work as hard as others to reach out for my dreams, but I haven't reach there yet... Why??? Where does it goes wrong??? At which junction that I made such a silly mistake that results where I'm right now? I'm thankful for what life had offers me, it just I believe there is more. And I want to achieve that MORE because I feels like I'm marching but the result as if I'm wandering....

Imaginary Friends

Have you got one? Imaginary friend I mean... Nope?

Picture: Pauline Yiu, 2007@www.deviantart.com

Besides wonderful friends around me, I do have MANY imaginary friends. Most of them are my belongings.

Yes Tia... After Anas been taken away so cruelly, I stop to have any imaginary friend, FOR A WHILE. hehe...

Then, comes a friend, who taught me to be nice to EVERYTHING, not only to EVERYBODY but also EVERYTHING. From there on, not only I say thanks to almost all instrument that help me through the day like printers, computers, and machine, but I also talk to them.

My favourite friend among them is my car, namely Chibi. I feel so in touch with her. One day, I asked her, why the car doesn't perform well, I feel like she said that her leg hurts. I stop at the petrol station nearby to fill in the air, to my disbelief, the tyre was cut open. I could see the wire inside it. Since it was at the petrol station, so I asked for help to change the tyre. I just can't imagine what will happened to me if I continue the journey.

I know it just a lucky coincident rather than me talking to her, but yea.. why not being nice to everything around us isn't?.

So, be nice to everybody, be nice to everything. We never knew when the kindness come back to us in a very miraculous way. Have a good day being nice.

Yes,
Me self also need to be nice!

*Anas is a cute yellow fridge magnet duck. Miss him...

** Kindness, like a boomerang, always returns. ~Author Unknown

Untitled

Empty... Lost... And lonely.

And these feelings are strangers to me though once they were my best friend.

Ever since you came, they hid in the colors of a dark night.

Suddenly they appear, like a fireworks in daylight.

Obvious but disturbing.

Shhh...

Happiness are peeping.

One Minute

Appreciation

Last week had been a very long and tiring week. Many activities ran concurrent and it sucks my energy and patience.

The system drives me crazy. We stayed back until 2 am to do adjusting. Again and again. The engineer who suppose to be my enemy at the moment is someone I really look up to. Being very committed at work, sharp and hardworking... He gets my WOW!. He taught me many things about engineering and it knocks me hard. At that moment, all I know he is somebody from the company. Pull-stop.

SURPRISE!!!! Today, I know he is the CEO of the company. WOW WOW... My chin drops.

It is not the CEO thingy that receive my salutation. It is all about his attitude towards his work, the determination to solve the problem, and the engineers attitude that I haven't seen for quite sometimes. The CEO factor is really an additional spice to this admiration to his work attitude. Can you imagine CEO for Class A Contractor is doing the adjusting by himself at 2 am?

He carries what he said. Real gentleman I should call him. However, since the system still facing some difficulties, I have to be a petty client and keep on make his job harder and harder. Seriously, I wish I could be someone like him. One day...

A Note To A Friend

My friend,

When the reality hits you hard, and it seems far from what you dream of, believe me... you are just a few steps away from your fate. Never give in... Never doubt... If you need to rest, slow down your phase, but never surrender. Take your step with a little bit more patient, one by one... Keep the prayer close to your heart. And when you feel lonely as no one ever listen to you, He is always there, to love and to protect someone as wonderful as you are. I might not be the best friend you wished for, but I do hope you are blessed and loved by Him for all the kindness and support that you shared with me. Keep your chin up, put back the smile on your lips, and face the world with courage. Be patient, and the pain will wash away...

Image: Hand by deckchairs@deviantart

Forgiveness

Thanks you my Almighty... Because the strength that you gave me, I was able to apologize to him to save the situation. And today, here I am, standing as a proud girl, to communicate with him as usual. And the sweetest part, he admit it... Thank you.

The Boss

Despite my love-hate relationship with my former boss, there are something I miss about her which is the biggest reason I was quite close to her. It is her ability to understand me.

There are one time, I was bombarded with so many difficulties at a time, persona, financial, family, name it. I thought I couldn't take it anymore. So I went to see and explain to her, that I'm not at my best condition, thus I might not deliver the tasks she wants me to. We discuss about a few things and towards the end of the conversation, meself came out with the idea that during that critical period of time she should monitor my work more frequently in order to keep the work momentum. She agreed. And both of us save our days...

I can't be like her, but I hope I do spare that much room of openness in conversation with my staff.

Thank you boss... Thank you for the trust.

P/S: Thank you darcysdarkheart@DEVIANTART

Dream

Only a dream, can be truly free;
Because it always does;
and it always does will be.

STUBBORN

Me: Sometimes I don't understand why people says I'm stubborn. I think, most of the times, I'm the one who back off.

He: You back off, but you'll leave the impression that you still not agree with it. You back off just for the sake to avoid argument.

* This short conversation make me realizes how stubborn I am. Thanks for understanding me well.

Speedy Recovery

All these while, I keep mentioning how I miss my old friends in my previous company. Almost neglecting my new friends here in my new place.

Last Saturday, the car drove by my lil friends here met with an accident right in front of my eyes. The car was spinning, flying and tipping just 2 meters away from mine. Only God knows how I feel that time. I need to have control over my own car in the same time my hands already reaching out for my phone to call for help. My body trembling, really afraid the worst might happened to them.

Thank God, even though the car seems completely damage, but they are alive. To think aback, it is such a miracle, how the three of them were thrown out of the car and having only minor injuries. I just can't imagine the situation, if they were trapped inside the car. The injuries might be more severe.

Anyway, the incident make me realize that I love them as how much I love my friends in my previous company. They might be a lil younger than I am, but their presence bring as much joy into my life, but of course in different way, because they are different people.

Now, I'm in office without them. I hope, they will come back to office as soon as possible, and bring back the 'hype' into the office.

Appreciate what you have in hands, because you never knew when you might lose it.

To three of you,
Get well soon. VERY soon. The office is too quite without all of you.

My lil phone is back!

My lil phone is back after been admitted to hospital (phone hospital of course). Though it's only have 2 MP camera, but enough for me to capture special moment to be inserted into this blog. Yay!!!

THE CURSE

Yes... I'm a girl. So what?

I feel cheated with you guys. FINE if you are consultants, or contractors or whatever you are.. but playing nice in front of me and then insulting me at the back??? Hiding the facts from me??? What do you think I am? BOZO? Oh well... nice charade you play.

I wish I didn't go there and bring back this burdened feeling. I wish I know nothing about all of you. I wish I don't have to do what I did for you. I wish all of you just a flying dust that pass me by.

Seriously, how should I face all these hypocrites? Curse you!!!

The Thing I Miss To Do

I miss my stupid Saturday.

Wake up early in the morning, have a good breakfast, get myself a cup of latte, and drive straight to the airport. Park my car, and read. Be it magazine, newspaper or book. Spend hours for reading, enjoying latte, catching up to the latest hits, healing my soul with the views, projecting hope by seeing the flight pass by. I miss my stupid Saturday...

Result: Happy heart and recharged spirit to see tomorrow.

P/S: Owh... Congratulations to Ekkie for the newborn baby.

Valuable Lesson 2

Working out late last night. Had a good conversation with one wise guy. We always be reminded to keep positive, very rare we were guided on how to take the pain / hardship.

According to him "Enjoy the pain, eventually the payback of the hard work will come back to you". The harder the grapes are squeezed, the better the wine we get."

To all hardworking fellows, never give up. Just give out your best and live & enjoy every moment of your life.

Thank you Mr Wise Man for a chat that knocked my head.

Trust & Entrusted

Everyday, we pray "show us the right path".

And yet, we still doubt the path that we chose.

Then why, in the end of the day, the challenge always come back to us? Hits us right to the face, punches us, stabs us, brings out the animal inside us. To the extend, we surrender, and admit this is not our game, and yet the game must goes on. We fight barehanded, to survive.

Is it because of our incompetency that we are challenged? Or simply, because HE never stop believing in us?

If HE believes in us, so who are we to deny that?

If Today Was Your Last Day

"Live each moment like your last"- is the phrase I'm holding on to. Tired. Restless.

If you know today is your last day, what will you do???

Yay!!!

Can't wait to meet my beloved friends... YAY!!!

Tenno & Ibu Adam, mamo jeles haaa...

It seems like just yesterday I was freaking mad at all the people who pissed me off... suddenly, by today... everything vanished, like it's all flushed to the drain. Good. I'm happy. At least, I let go the heavy load.

For the people who suddenly came, and cheer me up, thank you.

Tag From Puan Q - Glasses

Terpanggil nak menjawab tag dari Puan Q kite... well... here I am...

1. Sejak bila anda mula berkaca mata?
12

2. Bagaimana anda tahu yang anda memerlukan kacamata ketika itu?
Sebab dah tak boleh duduk belakang sekali... hahhaha

3. Berapa ‘power’ pada permulaan anda berkaca mata (anggaran)?
100 & 150

4. Jenis/bentuk kaca mata anda yang pertama?
Frame plastic kaler silver

5. Jenis/bentuk kaca mata anda yang terkini?
The best I ever have. Void black frame. The lenses is hold by a string at the back of the frame. It looks like I'm wearing 2 layers of spec.

6. Berapa power terkini anda (anggaran)?
375 & 450

7. Berapa banyak koleksi kaca mata yang anda ada dari dulu hingga kini (anggaran)?
Banyak

8. Jika anda ada sentiment tidak suka berkaca mata, sila nyatakan sebab musababnya.
I like wearing glasses.

9. Yang mana anda lebih gemar. Kaca mata atau contact lens? Kenapa ?
Glasses... Used to it

10. Optometrist pilihan anda?
The one with unique frames

11. Pasangan anda berkaca mata ?
Hahaha

12. Apa pandangan anda pada kanak2 yang memakai kaca mata?
Pity them

Shall I tag others? tak payah la... but you are always welcome to continue this tagging. Link pun tak payahla... Ni kiranya sekadar menjawab semua soalan Puan Q.

Sense of time...

This week I lost my sense of time... And maybe a part of my sanity. Never in my life, prepared to work like this. It drains out my energy, mentally and physically. Every night, I'm thankful for having a chance to sleep and a chance to release my tense by talking to people who cares bout me. It's a bless that I hope will never taken away from me.

Actually, to think aback, this week is not really a bad week. It contains tears, extreme angers, deep emotions, grunge, and also cares and loves. Besides the headache and 'lepas tangan' by some, I was taken care nicely by my sweet Yuna (buakan nama sebenar, as usual. Thank you for getting me my breakfast at times I never expected), supported by Famil's twin (yes... he really looks like Famil. And thanks for coordinating the meeting. Really appreciate it.), Nigella give out her full energy to help me through the event, though she doesn't have to do so, and so on....

This is the small small things that I wish I never forget. The kindness and beauty of a friendship. I hope, in the future, when things went bad, I'll smile reading this entry. Coz that's what happen when I read the previous entry.

Dear Me,
Life is full of surprises. We never know what will happen to us next. Just hope and pray for the best.

Dear Al-Mighty,
Please don't let me go astray from Your meaningful path.

Friendship

I received an sms written:

SMS: I miss working with u and serena.

All I wanna say, I miss it too... What we are facing through right now is harder because we lost the comfort place. I'm glad during that particular time, we had each other, to keep us strong and sane.

Picture: by Electrificado@deviantart

New Year, New Class

I'm lecturing...

Thee thee thee...

It just a short course for graduated students. The topics are all about GMP. But slowly I turn myself into HR manager yg sebuk2 bagi tips macam mana nak carik kerja and promote yourself during the interview. Macam la bagus kan... at least the ability as Master of Jedi of Bullshitting works for me HaR HaR HaR...

Look forward for the next class...